How To Fly Up Into The Mile High Club
Is it the thrill of possibly getting caught, doing ‘it’ in such a populated space, actually becoming a member of an infamous club, more than one drink in one’s system lubricating mind and body or sheer boredom that leads people to consummate in the clouds and become members of The Mile High Club? We’ve all heard plenty of those so naughty stories men and woman relate to shocked friends or liberal family members of their encounters with a sexy stranger on a plane. Or a randy couple bragging about how they were just so God awful horny for one another during a cross country flight. But I often wonder how many real mile higher’s there are? Are the larger percentage of these encounters under thin ugly airline blankets and in cramped bathrooms mainly the stuff of the ubiquitous urban legend?
Still, if one must, who I am to stop you? You want to become part of this exclusive airy sex club, read on all you Amelia Earharts. Buckle-in you lascivious Lindberghs. I’ll spirit you up up up and away so you can get off like very few before you ever got the chance to. Here’s how one manages the heights and startling spins to enter The Mile High Club
First the true definition so you know you’re doing it right
I know typically The Mile High Club is supposed to be populated by a heterosexual membership, but for our purposes here I am going to throw aside that bygone convention and say that you can join regardless of who you either are f*#king or come to be f*#ked by. According to the official mile high club website, (yes there is an official website, you’re surprised?), two people must engage in sexual intercourse at an altitude of at least 5,280 ft, a mile above the earth, yes that Earth down there, where we should all normally be doing it! So as far as I’m concerned gay as well as straights can have intercourse. There you have it, the club knows no sexual orientation preference in my view. There must be a putting of you know ‘what’ into you know ‘where’ not only attempted but completed. Duration doesn’t matter but this specific close contact of pink parks does. Really, if just taking out your various naughty parts during a plane flight would constitute making it to The Mile High Club I dare say no airport lounge could fit all the club members! No, for our purposes here there must be insertion…and I mean more than just the tip of one’s tongue into our lover’s ear…or rear even.
Actually, if one really wants to get technical here, The Mile High Club was developed around the concept that one of the clubbers needed to be behind the controls of the airplane when consummating to make it in, so to speak. So therefore only pilots and co pilots could join…I’m assuming with willing hosties mainly. But growing from the infamous exploits of the club’s supposed founder Lawrence Sperry and the flights he seemed to enjoy with Mrs. Waldo Polk in an autopiloted plane back in1916 I say let’s include all those currently, shall we, be they f*#king at least a mile high.
Is it legal?
In certain places there are nebulous laws and in some cases none at all that speak to having sex on any mode of public transport. Most Civil Aviation Authorities state they have no real law on the books for the activity but there are other ways you can get in Dutch if you are out and about with a lover on train, plane or bus.
First of all, in most places, revealing nude parts or engaging in sexual acts which can be witnessed by the public is technically illegal. Considered lewd behavior. This is why the bathroom on a plane, while cramped and God only knows what that blue liquid in the toilet, is the ‘best’ place to consummate. Or squirreled away in two secluded seats at the back of a pretty much otherwise empty flight, two people could technically keep themselves covered enough by some strategically placed airline blankets to not expose themselves and still manage the deed.
Yet, one must realize that at a mile above the earth passengers are still required to be wearing their seatbelts, so if for no other reason lusty would-be mile higher’s could get in trouble if they unhook to hook-up. And really, any activity seen as off putting to a flight attendant, (and this would be a subjective assessment by the hostie, I’ll grant you), can be reported as an act against the “contract of carriage”. The two people attempting to reach their personal height might not be as much fined or arrested as just asked not fly an airline ever again.
Once the doors close on an aircraft the laws an airline might adhere to could vary greatly. Charges could be levied upon you from the city of the flight’s origin, the flight’s final destination or even from where the flight originates originally.
It’s a lot of complicated stuff to consider just because you and that stranger had simpatico eyes.
So does it really feel any better?
There are a lot of vibrations on an airplane, even a smooth flying one, that most people will never experience in their beds. The very consistent rumbling through a plane’s cabin, not to mention the sounds, could indeed fuel many of us sexually. It’s not for everybody surely, but some of us like lots of motion in the ocean of our sexual encounters and short of being on a boat, where wave motion can actually make one puke, (and let me just go on the record here and now that puking does not a wild sexual encounter usually make), or being on the constant metaphor of a speeding train entering or exiting dark tunnels, a plane might be the best and only place you’ll ever feel sensations like these.
There are also dips in atmospheric pressure, which could invest one with a myriad of sensations, good turbulence being better than a vibrator. There are sudden shucks and jives, and in the case of a good thunderstorm more than a little fear of crashing. Plus those big shutters and loud booms could cause anyone to grow just a little but more clingy with a stranger.
You just might have a thing exhibitionism or simply get a charge out of the possibility of exposure. If this is a red hot spike that lies deep within your fantasy then humping close to detection, even baring the side of your hip up over a blanket will jolt you mentally…which in turn will jolt you physically.
What might feel best to you about the entire experience, and the one factor that seems to prompt people to join The Mile High Club more than any other, is the ability to brag about being so sexually daring. In the end, this positive spike to your reputation could feel damn good. Let’s face it, even with some strong turbulence, how long can two people seriously carry on even in the emptiest of airplanes. What makes getting your Mile High Status so wonderful is not the sex you had to get it but the fact that you indeed did have sex to get in the club and can brag you are after.
So how does one facilitate friendlier skies?
There are some things you can plan, others you can’t to facilitate a Mile High Club encounter. There is no particular set of rules for trying to make this very specific very public possibility a reality. Some couples simply use their next shared long flight as their opportunity. Single passengers may simply seize on the assumed boredom they are anticipating to locate a few attractive fellow passengers.
First and foremost, have you a significant lover or even just a good friend who might agree, (and I’d say that’s one hell of a good friend indeed!), get them on the flight with you, arrange as far in advance as you can sitting together for the flight, and if you two are of a mind and desire, have a few drinks before and during the flight.
If you don’t have someone in mind, but are still keen, then it’s up to you to search pre-boarding for cuties and hunks. Arguably you’ll be on a time limit here so don’t waste your game, get to it, find somebody you might be able to snuggle up close to, who wishes to maybe entertain entering the club just like you and if you still have time and the flight is a little empty see if you might finagle some new seating assignments. Get to that gate early and look for solo guys or girls, depending on your desire. Your best approach to a stranger is honesty, and a certain ability to laugh off the suggestion at the slightest sign that the guy or girl you have approached might simply see your approach as a joke. You might not land on anyone interested in having sex with you, a complete stranger, in your upcoming flight even though you are so darned cute, (can you imagine being rejected like this…really!). Don’t give up hope, there are always other flights and passengers.
Might I suggest also dressing for as easy an access as you can muster but still be stylish? Don’t look like a slob, nobody wants to f*#k somebody who looks unkempt or unclean, but wear clothes you can easily push to the side or open. And keep your jewelry to a minimum. It makes for less items to possibly fall off you while you’re shimmying about, and less stuff to lose in the end.
See if you might be able to get yourself on a red-eye. These flights sail into the friendly skies between 1-4 in the morning and are typically less crowded. They also dim the lights after you’ve been fed. What better place to get your action going than on a plane were there are fewer people to detect that action?
And hold on to your blanket. Maybe take a coat even if the weather in both the place you’re leaving and going to is mild. Secret a few extra pillows if you’re of a mind. And remember, please remember, have something on your feet, even if you have to put on your shoes for the moment, if you’re going to try your tryst in the plane’s bathroom. Even the most studied microbiologists couldn’t venture a guess what lurks on the floors or an airplane’s lavatory and those tiny cramped sink counters hide a copious amount of unseen dangers. If you’re resting your booty up there, make sure to put a paper towel under you.
As The Mile High website boasts, “It Beats First-Class By A Mile.” Managing to bring your partner on board for a little hop in the clouds or find a willing participant pre boarding to actually have sex with in an airplane is quite the feat to be sure. No matter what movie they’re showing in coach or what toppings they have for the ice cream sundaes up in Business Class I guarantee even fulfilling the quickest Mile High criteria will still be better than anything else going on in the plane. Grab a red eye if you have to, maybe an extra blanket or two and throw caution to the wind. With a little forethought, some careful considerations, a rebel’s courage to just ignore that fasten your seat belt sign, (and of course quick check of the airplane’s bathrooms), you and your partner might just be able to join ole Lawrence Sperry and Mrs. Polk in infamy.
Another story? Sure!
How To Get Your Sex Life Back On Track
All couples grow bored at some stage. It’s inevitable. Every intimate situation has the potential for getting stale. After a while, sex between you and your lover, while good, maybe even Earth rockin’ most of your bumpatybumpity times, might roll rote and repetitious, lacking in spontaneity. We’re all subject to fluctuations in our mood. Is it any wonder a relationship could see fits and starts at its most basic point?
Just try to get two people agreeing on what pizza topping they like every single time they order!
A lack lustering sex life is less a problem to lay blame over than one we should try and talk about when it happens. But God knows, if you’re anything like me, you’d rather stick hot needles in your eyes than address a sexual speed bump; get on with the getting-on, I say. There might just be a whole bunch of sticky and unsaid things lying behind why you and your significant other are not rolling round the hay as much as you once were. And these sticky unsaid things might just be too sticky to say.
But burying your head in the sand or hoping things will just work themselves out when you both are not so tired is not the solution. As much as so many of us would rather avoid problems, be there any, the better way is to get past them. Don’t you want to get back to having awesome sex on tap? Sometimes the road to recovery of your booty calling, if there is indeed one, is actually taking a proactive stance.
Give me nookie or give me death!
So, how do we get our sex life back on track?
Recognizing it’s normal
You can’t let stuff like a little slow down between the sheets or on the dining table get you down…all that much. It might not be as big a problem as you think, then again, it could be, sorry to say. For too many couples the very fact that their mutual desire for one another is lessening is cause for a big alarm, which keeps them worrying over their lack of desire and subsequently keeps that desire at bay. You know that old standard of a man worrying when he doesn’t get an erection and that worry laying in wait for him so deeply each time he wants to get one that he doesn’t get one?.
Rule #1 then has to be…Don’t get all that hung up over NOT having sex. It’s normal to see ebbs and flows in your clutching and grabbing at one another. I’m certainly not suggesting you ignore your halting of the making of the beast with two backs, but take a breath and put things in perspective. A little backing off the full throttle of humping happens from time to time for one and all.
Of course, the longer the cessation of engaging your southern nations the more you will have to address the question of…
Does the two of you simmering on idle mean something more?
Ok, so maybe your lack of sex is growing into a full season draught. Maybe it’s time you not only talked about it, maybe even got out to see somebody about it, maybe it’s also time to consider…is this relationship you’re in worth staying in? Is this winding down or all together lack of sex you and your lover have come to the normal progression of a relationship on the wane? You could be f***buds, long marrieds, or a couple in it for half a year only, but not every relationship is meant to last like Rocky and go the distance.
Sure, what stings is when you had it so good for a prescribed period of time, and certainly the longer that time was the harder it is to reconcile that things might just be coming to an end. What cuts one to the quick is if, at one time, the sex was just so freaking amazing and it isn’t now. What can take you out of the game of dating even, and actually sees too many couples staying together well after their prime, is the idea that you have to try and find a new partner if you two break-up.
But really, if you have an inkling that this low idle of your sex life speaks to bigger concerns over your relationship in general then maybe, hate to say it, you and he or she are done. If those concerns lay at the root of you and your lover getting along, if they are things you address and just fight over or just ignore because you know airing these concerns will break you up, guess what? You’re at the beginning of your end anyway, and the result is your sex life dying.
Rule #2 then should teach us that…If things are dying, let them die. But if you’re still in their fighting and think things are worth saving…
Take a good look at your partner
It’s easy to forget or simply ignore what is right in front of us every day. It’s human nature to not only start to look around for other distractions, (something I will get into in a bit), but also to just take things for granted. Too many couples simply get so mired in the everyday of trying to cope with their job, with the kids, relatives, deal with picking a movie even, they simply lose site of the intimacy they have built or were building.
I’d advise taking a good look at what’s right in front of you. Notice your partner. Give he or she the once over as much physically as well as in every other way you connect. Let’s face it, if you’ve been a couple for any stretch of time you’ve probably seen your she or he naked a time or two, probably experienced all their little tricks and kinks; there’s nothing new under the sun now. But to keep things going, to stoke the flame maybe weakened by the kindling of familiarity you have to look deeply into the home fires to notice much more than just a flickering light, (I outdid myself in the imagery there, didn’t I?). A little re-accessing of this person we are in love or lust with, deep breathing while we try and not take them for granted. Recognizing on a consistent basis what it was about this guy or girl we have always been attracted to, (and let’s hope it is more than physical, because if all you have between you is a mutual physical attraction that’s damn well going to lessen the more you see one another naked), and a considering of whether we want to be where we are might indeed bring things around.
And a little extra note about intimacy here…bumping pink parts is not all there is to it all, I hope you know. Sure, sex feels good, (when done right and with the adequate amount of lube), but there’s a lot more to being with one another than just ‘doing it’. Too often we all get hung up on when we are not having sex to realize that just cuddling on the couch, taking a bath together, baking cookies even is intimate…or taking a bath in cookie batter…even better! The more time you take away from non-sexual activities the more sexual activities you might see come down the pike. Especially if you’re in this thing for a longer time, trying to go the distance with some cohabitating, working through problems, the intimacy you are counting on takes a lot of work and attention.
Rule # 3 then is…Stop and smell the roses…or whatever else you want of your partner. Consistently recognize the person you’re with and what it is you two are cultivating. Then…
Get out of your comfort zone
The time might be nigh to begin exploring fantasies heretofore unrealized with your lover. Maybe you two should pick-up on some ideas you skirted with at the beginning of your affair but saw fall by the way side in the light of some comfortably hot love making? Get out together and buy some toys, hell for some couples just the idea of walking into an adult toy shop can be very arousing. If this is too adventurous look online…for porn and not just toys too! Add some spice from that old rack of ingredients you have yet to sprinkle in your soup.
Plan a romantic weekend getaway. Plan for a weekend in bed including supplies so you don’t have to leave the room. Or don’t plan, just grab a few minutes in your best buddy’s downstairs couch during his birthday party. Mix it up. Buy some sexy undies, (his and hers). Use your cell phones to send naughty texts, (just make sure you’re sexting your lover and not your mom or the kids, please!). Hey, you want to try that threesome? This might be the time. Yes, you can still find plenty of sex parties, kink ‘munches’, swinger groups.
Get out and shake those tail feathers.
But be careful though. This is a precarious time for your intimacy. For some couples literally getting out of their comfort zone means to get the hell out of the house on a ‘date’ that doesn’t include the kids, maybe renting a hotel room for a few hours. For others, straying into a threesome or even watching porn might open a few doors they might not be all that comfortable opening until they can get themselves back on more familiar nookie ground.
Rule #4 is certainly getting you and your lover out and about, but step carefully, because out and about for many of us often always leads to..
Going where the grass seems to be greener
It’s human nature to consider when the sex slows down or all together halts between you and your significant other, to maybe seek out somebody new. Sure, there are threesomes and sex orgies a couple could find but there is also out and out cheating, one partner stepping out on another. It’s the old grass is greener theory. But to be sure, no matter what grass you go to tickle your toes on, it’s gonna be just as hard to cut as that field you came from.
Do you think adding a f***buddy into the mix is going to see you simply enjoy some pleasures and no aggravation? Sure, nobody wants to hammer home a problem in their relationship when they could just as easily get far from it and have some fun, but the problem you run away from doesn’t go away just because you’re no longer there. Enjoying a less then fulfilling sex life presently in the bed of the person you are supposed to be enjoying it with will not be helped by finding another to enjoy. It might make you feel good momentarily to enjoy the fruits of someone else’s orchid but why even go a’picking if you have a ripe ready tree at home?
Rule #5…Address your sex life with your significant other first. See where you’re at, what you want to or don’t want do about it, then if need be, move on after your lover knows your full intentions.
In the end you’re going to find a whole bunch of people ready to give you advice here. There are tons of T.V. talking heads who set up a couch for their studio audience and puke platitudes that prove less and less useful in actual application. You and your lover might not know exactly why you’re warming the sheets less and less. You might just be in a normal lull of trying to get along. Or your lack of sex could speak to a problem that goes deeper than trying to make a once-a-week appointment for a ‘date night’. Not having something, sex, money, ice-cream where we suddenly had an overabundance of it and the flavor was all so yummy, is upsetting but it doesn’t mean necessarily you might never lick that ice cream again.
The future lickability between you and your lover is up to you and your lover to decide. I suggest doing so as soon as you can and if some of my points above lead you in the right direction, all’s the better.
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