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Elite, international escort sharing her experiences with the rich, famous and bizarre clients she caters to every day.
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Violet Ivy grew up on a small wheat and sheep farm in the outback of Western Australia. A spray of freckles across her nose, pigtails streaming down her back as she swam naked in the local creek to cool off during the endless summers.
Who could have predicted her transformation into one of the world’s most elite, international escorts? The wanton woman satisfying the needs and desires of the most affluent men and women of the globe.
Life was not always easy for Violet. Hers is a rags-to-riches story from the seedy brothels of the mining town Kalgoorlie to attending the Kentucky Derby and the Oscars on the arms of the most influential men on the face of the globe. She introduces her readers to myriad bizarre, scary and hilarious people and situations she comes across in her travels.
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Um…. Is there a back way out of this place?
How to extricate yourself from a bad date.
Let me set the scene:
You’re sitting across from someone you had hoped might be Mr or Ms Right, or at least Mr or Ms ‘Right Now’, trying desperately not to thrust the tines of your fork into your right temple in an attempt to feel something. It doesn’t matter whether your date is spinning Charlie Manson-like peepers round their eye sockets or if their hygiene is making the salad on your plate wilt. Maybe it’s just that you are bored to tears, can find no spark of attraction or can’t reconcile your date with the picture you spied of them on Facebook. You know you’re as much wasting your time as you are wasting theirs.
But what can you do about getting out of this mind numbingly boring/nauseating/scary situation? How do we extricate ourselves from the classic bad date? When is it the right time to cut and run? Or do we suffer in silence, planning evil pay-back to the friend who set us up on this blind date, and stick it out? Where should we meet on the first date? And if we get to a fifteenth date does that mean we are well out of the woods of things going off the rails? And when do we use all our guile, whit and politeness to beg off as opposed to throwing our weight behind a smack down and getting a little mean?
If bad dates seem to be on the rise it might be directly proportional to how much dating is done by people meeting via online dating sites. Or perhaps it’s because we’re counting on the vetting process of a nosy but well meaning, match-making auntie, a B.F.F.’s radar or just our own olfactory senses. Most likely we’re reading an online profile trying to determine if the new guy or girl we’ve spied or are chatting with will make a worthwhile in-person hang. The weak vetting process, ok, call it desperation, of scouring chat rooms , checking someone’s Facebook status, or Googling their phone number leads modern day singles more and more into dating situations that often just…suck. Sure, we’ve all seen those commercials of sickly satisfied couples testifying a match-made-in heaven from a specific site they’ve joined. But we only ever hear about the success stories in these cases. I’m not saying everyone is a Craigslist stalker but just know you might be setting yourself up for failure. The fact is we really have no idea what someone is like from simply encountering them online. We need to take the plunge and organize a face to face meet.
But if not from online websites, chat rooms and Facebook, where else do I find a date? You know the places to hit; grocery stores on a weeknight, bookstore readings, even church socials, or maybe hanging at a club with friends. But please try not to look too desperate. And I’m not saying don’t use that wacky Interweb thingie. Just don’t expect what you are told about someone is really the truth and that when you finally do get to meet somebody off of eHarmony or aussiematchmaker.com they won’t be exactly the opposite of their profile.
Actually being prepared is a good rule of thumb no matter where you meet someone…from cyber space or not. We might stumble across a hottie at the shopping centre, in a linen store or from Facebook. Even if that person, and we, are not looking for a date at that particular moment, we all suddenly put on our best behaviors. We bubble forth suave manners and cooler-than-Fonzie poses when we pick up on, or try to elicit mutual attraction or interest. It’s in the clear light of an overhead bulb at a restaurant or while managing a half hour drive to a meeting with some ‘date’ that we start to learn the ins and outs of peoples’ true characters. And if we like them very much at all after the first sparkling moment of attraction or a witty IM. Texting and emailing, a phone call or two, even dancing the night away with someone we’ve just met isn’t going to clue us in to all that much. And the fewer clues we have, the more potential there is for the bad date.
Let me relive a couple of gems from my own blind-dating past.
I get a text from my ‘date’ saying that he has just arrived at the café. Cool…I’m only fifty metres away. I arrive to find a guy who looks like the pic that was sent to me. Smiling I walk up to him and say my sexiest hello. He looks at me like I’ve got two heads. Oooops he’s not my date. His wife walks out of the café that second and we all have an uncomfortable laugh about it. Heading through the door there is only one person sitting in the whole place. But he looks nothing like the pic. At least twenty years older and nowhere near as cute. Hhhmmm…not a good start but I’m all dressed up and have no other plans for the night so I figure I’ll have a cuppa with him and see how it goes. The next forty five minutes I sit there with him telling me how his ex is a bitch and how he’s going to get her back. When I can finally get a word in edgewise I politely let him know that we all have exes and I feel his pain, however tonight is about meeting a new person and perhaps a ‘date’ would like to think he was interested in getting to know her. Could we please change the subject. And he does. For the next twenty minutes he tells me how hot the new receptionist is at his work and how he’d like to bed her. Standing up I put money on the table for my tea and politely tell him that it’s not working for me and wish him luck on the site.
I am not five minutes out the door and the nasty texts start. The final one being, ‘You’ve obviously been abused. You should get the f**k off the website.’ I contacted the site and had him banned.
Louise was feeling charitable and recommended a friend of hers. Cute, single, smart blah blah… He wanted to meet at a pub I’d never heard of but that’s fine. A girlfriend and I had been shopping that day and she dropped me off. Before I even walked in the door I knew it wasn’t good. A biker bar I would never normally walk into. But I did as I had arranged to meet this ‘date’ Louise had raved about. Immediately I felt intimidated. The only woman in the place and every head swiveled in my direction as I entered. There he was at the bar looking like he hadn’t showered in a month chatting to the topless barmaid. I managed to get him to a table where he chain smoked, picked his teeth and asked me if my pussy tasted good. An emergency text to my friend and she was back quick smart. As soon as I saw her car out the window I excused myself and walked with conviction out the front door. Jumping in the car I shrilled, ‘Drive Thelma, drive!!’
And another one? Sure.
As soon as he met me, this charmer banged on about how he had driven an hour to meet me so it had better be worth his time. Lovely. He hailed from red-nick-ville in the sticks. Shorter than his advertised height by several inches, he was as skinny as a bag of bones and whilst I don’t want to appear judgmental, he was a thick as two planks of wood nailed together. We were meant to have a dinner date so I had not eaten before leaving home. He insisted on walking on the beach for an hour and a half. I knew in the first five minutes that he was not getting a second date but felt guilty that he had driven so far to meet me. Usually I can find SOMETHING about a guy to enjoy but this guy had nothing! We walked past a fish and chips place. By then I was starving so I suggested we go ‘Dutch’ and grab some food. No go. He wanted to keep walking. Was he being cheap? No idea. But I was really hungry so I told him I was going to get some food. His response was, ‘Fine, I’ll go then.’ And the next day the nasty texts came. How I had wasted his time. How he expected to get laid and other such sh!t. Two words; ignore and delete. Eventually he gave up.
And what about…
I meet him. Cute. Very cute. He’s hit the non-smoking button on the profile but lights up immediately. No biggie. I quite like the smell. After his cappuccino is empty he wants to know my place or his. It’s going a little quickly for me and I tell him so. Then he reveals his strategy. A few guys have gotten together on the site. They date women, bed them, and then give them a rating to their mates. How easy she was. Did she put out on the first date? Does she allow bareback sex? How big are her tits? Is she shaven, trimmed etc. Really nice guy. And I’m not even going to start on the married ones who pretend they are ‘separated’ or ‘single’. I’ve written a few choice stories in my books about those wankers.
So, you’re on a bad date. What now?
Sometimes we get lucky and know right from the outset that the date is going to be a stinker. That guy or girl wiggles themselves from the front seat of their car and they’re twenty years older or twenty kilos heavier than their profile pic…or worse yet, that’s not even the person you saw in their pic! Downright lying seems acceptable to them because when you really get to know them, you’ll realize they are the best thing since sliced bread and fall madly in love with them. At least that’s how they justify it….to themselves.
Sure, on the very rare occasion the person walking towards you looks even better than they did when you saw them running from the store that day. Or you feel a spark of an attraction in person Facebooking could never have tipped you off to. But way more often we get the vibe from just a minute into the meeting that things are going to go downhill quickly. We are animals after all. Our instincts serve us well when we let them. It’s less a Spidey sense than just scents, body language and sexual intuition that educates us. Have the common sense and the adult politeness to slip away as soon as you can. Do what I say not as I have done previously due to guilt or trying not to offend. It might be jarring to your date who has driven all the way across town but if, for whatever reason you get a jolt of ,‘this is going to suck donkey’s balls’, extricate yourself as nicely but quickly as you can.
If what’s spooked you is a drastic, obviously false misrepresentation between a picture(s) and the person who now stands before you, you can easily use the fact that this person used a pic not them or years younger, in affect lying, as the reason you want to leave. It will hopefully educate them that this is unacceptable and they are wasting their time as much as yours. Unless of course they look better to you than the pictures you saw and you want to pounce on them right there! But that’s an unlikely scenario in real life. All things being equal, if there’s no misrepresentation present but you still want to split, be polite. It can be done, but it needs finesse. It’s not so easy to simply adopt Ellen Barkin’s, “I believe in animal attraction”, finger snap from Sea Of Love, but then again you probably won’t be in the presence of too many adorable Al Pacinos or Ellen Barkins, so no worries there. More than likely the ‘adult’ thing to do here, and God forbid any of us think of ourselves as adults, is to politely state that you can’t see it working out between the two of you. You don’t even have to say why. But if they press you…lie! Say something such as, they remind you of your best friend. Or you’re not feeling well. Or do what the girls from ‘Sex and the City’ do and get a friend to call you with a fake emergency just in case you need an out. If you think the person might make a good friend then you could let them know that and agree to a coffee or if you’ve met for a meal go ‘Dutch’ and simply treat the night as if it were an occasion to meet someone new. We can never have too many friends.
Yes, I know you’re wonderful, but believe me, there are going to be some guys and girls that will not find you attractive. Just as there are plenty you wouldn’t want to give the time of day to. Sad, but true. And if a guy or girl has been dating for a while they understand and accept this truism. In the end most people, while maybe being disappointed, will understand that you’re just not feeling the lust vibe.
THE BAD DATE
But this entire treatise really is about extricating yourself from the bad date and what often makes a date bad is that the person you are with doesn’t think it’s so bad. In fact, they might be enjoying themselves. They might very much want you to stay…and they have the empty van and twist ties to make this happen. Ok that was a little harsh. Most people are not mean spirited Buffalo Bill wanna be’s. Most potential lovers are just like you, wanting to make a connection with someone, share a few laughs. Maybe, if all the stars align correctly, they are hoping for a little friction with some body part not their own hand. As you beg off, offer only one word answers, keep checking your cell phone or watch you’ll probably be asked less to put the lotion in the basket and more why you’re not enjoying yourself. It’s hard for the person being rejected to understand if things seemed to work so well on the phone, on your initial brief bump into one another, across a chat room that they are not working now.
And this is how the bad date begins…
Soon you find yourself a good half hour in with no wiggle room. The drinks have FINALLY arrived, your date is assuming with every passing minute you agree to sit with them, that it is a step towards you coming round to see them as Brad Pit or Elle MacPhearson. You disguise your discomfort by slurping your one drink fast enough to deplete it but not so fast your companion offers you another round. You date won’t recognize that you desperately want out of there. Their excited eyes are of someone wanting to get to know you better. It’s such a shame when one person wants and the other doesn’t, each other. And things can get awkward. This is when dates move to an uncomfortable place. There is inherent rejection and disappointment on the wind.
Some people like a challenge. Maybe they interpret you sticking it out, even if you’ve told them there is no attraction, as you attempting to give it a try. And to be fair, sometimes this is the prudent move. But over the course of a date the savvy dater will know where he or she stands. If you want to see someone again or if you can pretty much tell things are going south for whatever reason it will be obvious to at least one of you. It’s the socially challenged who can’t. And this is when you might have to get a wee bit strident. The deeper into a date with someone who simply isn’t reading your signals or worse, someone deliberately ignoring them, the more you have to make your meaning clear. I’m not suggesting you head out to deliberately hurt someone’s feelings, but God knows we’ve all had to, or at least skirt close to doing so in order to stop a potential stalker.
Get up and leave. Say goodbye in no uncertain terms. Let them know politely but firmly that you are not available for further meetings. Avoid making a scene if you can. Make damn sure the place you have agreed on for this first date is somewhere very public. Prior to meeting make sure you have given this person as little personal information as possible about yourself, not where you live or work, only your email address etc, just in case they prove to be someone you really don’t want to see again. If need be, grab another person in the public place, a big burly dude or no nonsense babe if need be, and have them walk you to your car. You’ll be surprised in this day and age how many people are looking out and will lend a hand. We hate to think a bad date will end this way, mostly we all hope things just fizzle out or the promised hot night out turns into an innocuous meeting of two to-be-new acquaintances over salads. But things do sometimes turn ugly right quick when one person isn’t having a groovy time and the other damn well wants them to.
And don’t think the bad date is relegated to first dates. There are plenty of couples who roll along perfectly well but as individual pasts get revealed or sexual intimacy sneaks into the playing field, things might go in the wrong direction. Be ever aware. Attraction hangs by a very thin membrane indeed.
I hope I haven’t scared you off dating. Get out there and have fun. You’re a long time dead and whilst being single does have its perks, we would all love a significant other to snuggle up to. A special person who thinks you look cute or at least f**kable with morning breath and bed hair. Being in love releases feel good endorphins, the same ones a chocolate by the way. Anyone who says being in love isn’t the greatest feeling in the world is either emotionally challenged or just has never been in love.
Nobody wants be on a bad date, but we all do get into them from time to time. As my grandmother says, ‘You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.’ Sage advice granny.
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Warming up your woman. How to get her in the mood without even touching her.
Let’s set the scene…You’re horny and out looking for Miss ‘Right Now’ at the local watering hole cum meet/meat market. Spying comely tarts across the bar, one in particular takes your fancy. But please don’t walk up and call the woman a ‘comely tart’. That’s sure to get you shot down. As you meander in her general direction through the crush of people trying to get a drink at the bar you get a better read on this lady’s bod. And boy does she have one! Now, your pants are getting uncomfortable tight in the front and you’re finding it hard to walk. All manner of nasty thoughts about what you’d like to do to her between the sheets are rushing into your head as you find you want to get next to her asap. All you can think to do is rip her clothes off and stick your…Ok, get a hold of yourself! You still have to approach this chick and talk her into it. How do you convince her that you’re the one she should go home with? It’s not like there aren’t a hundred other blokes eyeing her off. Remember the old saying, ‘Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.’
Let’s face it guys are on the prowl most of the time and what’s going through their minds mostly is how to get a woman into bed. Books have been written about it. There are some really unrealistic Indian blogs on how to do it. Funny reading but truly ridiculous advice for the poor guys. So how do you come across physically to a female? How does one make a pass that won’t get rebuked? Hell, even gay ladies consider this quandary when seeing a lady they like. But what’s going to give one the edge with a cutie whose patootie we want as our duty? Why is that lady going to even give you the time a day let alone allow you close the deal? Believe me, it takes more than a quick opening line or a fat bill roll to be able to get a lady sliding off her bar stool. A good looking woman can pretty much pick up anyone she pleases. Haven’t you ever heard of the power of the p*ssy? It’s up to the guys to try and for the ladies to decide. I don’t justify it. It’s just the way it is.
I know you possess that magic stallion of ready, steady and oh-so-large cock-a-doodle-do that no woman can do without. Maybe you have a rapid-fire, roll-out tongue or wonderfully sexual, scissoring ways. But I have news for everybody trying to score a woman in a bar, nothing you manage down there, whether you’re mightier than a jack hammer or more pulsating than her favorite toy gives you the edge. It takes more than that. Sure, a thick seven-and-a-half inches might look sturdy. Or if she prefers a puss rubbing up against hers, an attentive lesbian lover might win the Cupie doll door prize. But when it comes to heating-up a woman it comes down to what we do to her between the ears, not between her legs, that matters most.
Of course you already know this. This is a tried, true and time-traveled concept all of us have down by heart. But then why are so many women lying to their lovers about orgasms they never have and going to sleep unsatisfied? Why do so many ladies yearn for the exact opposite of what they’re getting? You think so many females are not getting filled enough or snacked on sufficiently? Could it be that just furtive friction is letting them down? Light globe moment…maybe it’s not all about the physical stuff. Maybe something else is needed here too.
I put it to you jungle cat, whether you be a Tom or a Tammy, that it’s what lovers are not doing before they make the pass, tickle a nipple or brush a bottom that makes all the difference. You want the secret to how to make your lady melt without even touching her? To get some lass to lean in close, flick her hair and give you the bedroom eyes mere minutes into the conversation without even touching her? You want the menu on how you get that woman coming back time and again, even thinking about you know what with you when you’re not around? Yes it goes further than just a once off score at the pub. This stuff works for long term relationships too.
Read on McDuff, I am all about imparting ancient secrets.
“In that way, I’m like a guy”
How many times do you hear a super hip, hetero-chick spew this line? No lesbian would ever, but more on them in a sec. Many women sprout this declaration to keep a man off-balance. To fake a need for just sex and nothing else. To defuse what they consider cliché; that for a woman sex becomes better the more emotionally attached she is. But they can’t diffuse this truism no matter how much they say it aloud. All things equal, a lady generally will become more emotionally attached the more sex she has with a partner she is attracted to.
Forget that some women are like guys, they just aren’t. The only human beings who are like guys are…guys.
Given the above then let’s, once and for all, admit that men and women see sex differently. Women lead with their feelings where men lead with…well, you know what they lead with. So doesn’t it follow logically that if one wishes to get to a lady, first and foremost one should think like a lady? Learn to go through her emotions, heart and head, and not immediately at her zipper? Sure, I won’t deny that we girls like a little rub in the right place, a tweak, slip and tickle with tongue, finger or wet side of a north or southern lip. But for women, the seduction, the meat and ‘taters of getting down and getting it good, starts from way up high. Which is fitting really because no matter what you’re packing, how talented your tongue or fingers might be, in the end it really doesn’t matter much unless you can make your lady feel wanted, safe and secure and emotionally attached by showing her you are emotionally attached.
And therein lays the true inequality between men and women. Men don’t need to be emotionally attached to have sex. In fact, they can be quite detached when it comes to doing the nasty. Some stay detached for a good long time or always stay that way, in fact.
Lesbian ladies having sex? Well since you have two women in that specific relationship, and given all things are equal in the ‘a lady needs it in the brain and heart before she does the crotch department’ you have potential for some deep, quick, emotional attachments forming between two women. You know the old joke…Q: What does a lesbian bring on a first date? A: A U-Haul. In other words, you get two women locked in for some sort of physical intimacy and they’ll probably both be expecting some emotional intimacy very soon…like yesterday!
So, how do I get between her ears?
Tell her you ache for her, but not just sexually. Show her she means something to you; little gifts on days not her birthday will go far. If location, location, location is the rule for real estate then attention, attention, attention is the key to getting to or through to, your lady. Oh, and did I mention…attention? Actually being present. Showing someone we are ‘there’ is kind of what works for all of us, right? Yes, even for those hetero guys who are looking to stick it every which place, knowing one’s lover is present, paying attention to us is a very nice feeling indeed. We all like to know we’re being thought of, planned for, considered, acknowledged.
Come on, this is basic relationships 101!
So why do so many relationships seem to be lacking?
I could write ten volume sagas trying to solve the mystery of why things go bad. But in keeping to the subject at hand, how to heat a lady without touching her, I think it really comes down to complacency. After a while we all slip a little in the taking our partner for granted department. You can take men for granted too. Forget they put petrol in the car. Pull out their credit card to pay for dinner and give you their coat when there’s a chill in the air. Thought it was great on the first date? Even commented on it? What about two years later when they’re still doing it? Do they have to do more now for you to notice? Men may not thrive on constant affirmation to their emotions but they still like to feel appreciated and needed. Women are a little trickier. Having an anniversary forgotten or simply their guy not patting their bottom as he passes by that one time when he does every other time, can cause major ripples. I’m allowed to say this. I have the physical credentials to criticize the ladies. We are sooooo sensitive to this kind of stuff. Why didn’t he pat me on the bottom? Is it getting too fat? Am I? Doesn’t he love me anymore? Is he comparing me to the new girl in his office/ chick at the gym/neighbour?
Suck it up guys. This is the stuff that matters to women and if you want to keep her sweet between the sheets then start putting anniversaries in your electronic diary. Find something about her every day to compliment; her hair, eyes, jewellery, figure, cooking…it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you say it with conviction. Practice getting it to sound authentic.
This is the number one problem that comes between men and women beyond trying to determine who sleeps in the wet spot. Men don’t need all that much emotional intimacy. I said ‘all that much’ they do need some. And women need more…or some, or a lot more. Yep you guessed it; you have to work it out with each individual female. Like snowflakes we all require different levels of what we consider the right kind of attention. Sorry guys, but you are the ones who want to date us. Deal with it!
Not to worry though, the getting her hot quandary is very easy to rectify. Most of the time, it’s the little things a guy can do, on even infrequent occasions, that are sure to get a woman going. Come on guys, it’s not that hard. Sh!t, why get into this thing if you don’t want to make that other person happy, right? This whole relationship thing is about putting someone’s feelings before yours’ isn’t it?
And just as an aside here, something I know no man wants to consider if he’s not ready for it. But guys really, unless we are in a committed relationship with you, or we think you want to be in one with us, you’re never going to get our best in bed. Sure, sure, we’ve all had those amazing hot flings. Yes, there was that ridiculously cute guy at that island resort the summer of…well, let’s just say there have been some great lays in our past, ok? And yes, we’re having fun with you. Sometimes yes, we even climax when you get us into bed. But I kid you not, unless we, that’s ‘we’ as in you and me, are committed. Unless those squiggly emotional thingies I have been on about in the last few paragraphs are present, (and I told you what’s going to make them present…um, caring, attention, commitment), then we’re not truly heated up to full Defcon 5 ready to flood the launch bays.
So guys, (and even lesbian ladies who feel a little cold wind blowing through the curtain cockles of a relationship), give things a little thought. Stop once in a while to consider. If you really do, tell her you love her, it will pay dividends. And consider where you are on the maybe, possibly, someday down the line, committing to things a little deeper.
If you want your lady all gewy, hot and thinking about the chocolate sauce and bullwhips you’ve got to spend a little time with her thoughts and emotions.
The wrap-up to wrapping her up
You see, it doesn’t take all that much. Maybe a little less attention to the cologne and more to your approach? Take some extra time showing her what she means to you beyond wanting to press her body into yours? Maybe if you really feel all warm and fuzzy you should air those feelings? Simmer the seduction, put your ardent lust on the backburner for a bit, enter through the lady’s ears and heart. By the time you get her clothes off, you’ll be happy you invested the energy into paying your woman the right kind of attention.
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How to buy Violet's books?
Violet Ivy's debut book 'Lucky Girl - How I Survived the Sex Industry' can be purchased at booklocker.com
“Lucky Girl – How I survived the Sex Industry” is available as a paperback or kindle version on amazon.com
And on Barnes & Noble at;http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/lucky-girl-violet-ivy/1114490376?ean=9781621419952
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Violet's follow up book 'Sex and Sexuality - The Interviews' can be purchased at booklocker.com
“Sex and Sexuality – The Interviews” is available as a paperback or kindle version on amazon.com
And on Barnes & Noble at;
Or if you prefer Book Depository
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