Sucking the D… How to give a good blowjob
Once and for all, forget about the word ‘blow’. I mean, actually you can; it feels good as well. But a blowie, B.J., giving-a-guy-head, polishing his knob, sucking on the hosepipe, swallowing the snake or whatever else you wish to call it, a blowjob is about sucking, lapping, licking, gobbling, swallowing and occasionally, yes, even gagging. There are as many techniques as there are men and women performing this fun act. Don’t ever think there is only one way to give head. It varies as much from what the sucker comes to like as from what the man being sucked will reveal he wants. Like advice given elsewhere by me, it’s all about open communication and reading your lover.
A lot has been said and written about the blowie. Often maligned, mocked, sometimes even detested, (by the ladies not the guys), but always up the top of a man’s sexual ‘things-to-have-done-to-him’ list. They love it. What’s that joke about the least common phrase on the face of the earth? “Stop sucking my cock.” The blow job is here to stay so you might as well get to know it well, how to do it, what to expect and what else might be involved than just your lips reluctantly opening over a dick.
From my point of view there’s nothing better than feeling a man’s penis grow in my mouth. Knowing that I’m causing him to get a rock solid erection by my ministrations. Watching his pleasure as I lick his shaft and suck on his balls. Nothing better. Getting him to come in my mouth gives me a sense of achievement. And if I get him this hard there will be pleasure in it for me later when I jump on him. But that’s just me. This is about you.
No, not just by any means necessary
You’d think in this highly evolved state of sexual evolution the human animal has come to we’d pretty much be in-for-a-penny-in-for-the-blowie when it comes to sexual pursuits. Sure, younger lovers in their first forays of intimate adventure might come to see sex acts as a series of degrees. That old rounding of specific ‘bases’ in the sexual progression of getting to know somebody. But for most adults committed to being intimate with someone, pretty much all things should be on the menu for us to partake in. I’m not talking about assuming that the Batman suit with the ass cut out of it, or having hot wax dripped on your privates is ok for everyone. But the blowie is a little piece of heaven for your man. Unless you want to be a selfish lover, find something about it that you like. That you can work on. Develop your technique. Ask him what he likes and doesn’t like. It’s a legitimate complaint if a lady won’t even go down there for a look. If you have a sensitive gag reflex tell him! He’s not going to mind while you practice your technique to work around this. Trust me. If he is the grab-your-head-and-force-it-down-your-throat kind of guy and you don’t like it then bite him. He’ll get the message pretty quickly. Or at least push him off you and explain that you don’t like it. Communicate!
This is of course assuming that he has good grooming and hygiene. If not let him know you’re not impressed. You’ll be amazed how quickly he’ll tidy up if he thinks he’ll get a suck out of it.
Sure, there are plenty of hetero women and even gay guys who’ll complain their first encounter with a cock in their mouth was a less than a pleasant experience. There’s the mental picture of urine coming out of it. The distinctive scent of male genitals, especially if they’re sweaty. Perhaps they experienced the head push down causing the gag reflex or worse an up-chuck. And lots of men have either prematurely come into their lover’s mouths or just assumed it’s ok to do so without forewarning their sucker. If he doesn’t treat you right whether you’re sucking, f**king or out for dinner walk away. There are plenty more fish in the sea that won’t act like sharks.
Why wouldn’t you give your lover a blowjob if he wants one? Sex between two people, (or more than two if you’re a lucky bugger!), should be a reciprocal series of give and take right? Not an exact tit-for-tat but in general a swapping of pleasure for pleasure. Couples don’t have to be locked into a 69 at all times, but if you refuse to compromise on something as vanilla as the blow-job, then don’t come to expect your partner to be all that happy going down on you, massaging your butt hole or whatever it is in particular that gets you off. Even if it’s something they do, (at least did), like to do. And if your man really likes getting head, and you don’t like giving it much at all, expect there to be some problems in your sex life. It’s doesn’t have to be a deal breaker but it is quite important. Talk to your girlfriends. Google some stuff. Get some advice. But most importantly discuss it openly with your man. He’s not a mind reader. He doesn’t understand where you’re coming from, (sorry for the pun). He loves his dick and you’re not sucking it. That’s all he sees happening. Men are simple creatures. Explain it to him and get his help to work through it. He’ll be up for it (I can’t help myself).
Please, don’t just leave the blowie for his birthday, as if anointing him with the gift of your precious mouth. Your man is aching for you to stick his cock in your pout but you bestowing a cock-sucking on him once a year sends a clear message that using your oral technique is not something you ever really want to do. That’s going to take some of the enjoyment out of it for the average fella. Really why bother then? If it’s that offensive to you then find the needle in the haystack of men who actually don’t like head and date him. But be prepared to search far and wide. I’m not justifying the fact that ninety nine plus percent of men love receiving head. I’m just telling you how it is. And I’m qualified to do so!
Also please, if you’re going down to Chinatown for his eggroll but only come to lick, kiss and regard it with the smallest amount of enthusiasm, he’s going to notice that as well. Nothing’ll turn any us off quicker than feeling our partner is doing something out of a sense of duty, duress or with no interest. In the end, with this kind of attitude, you and your man might not be destined for the long hall. So find a guy who’ll lie to you and say blowjobs are not all that important to him.
The boys, the perineum, the black hole
There’s more to giving good oral than just open-mouth-and-insert-cock. There are an infinite amount of techniques involved, and like I said before, it all depends on what you like to do and what your partner gets off on. Whether to gobble Mr. Wonderstaff whole. To suck hard up, down or both. To lick the head only but mouth the shaft, or vice versa. Sliding a hand up and down him in a wanking motion as you as salivate enough to make it super slippery. Sticking your tongue down the eye of the penis. Play, practice, experiment. See I told you it would be fun.
The list goes on and on. Best check with your man…as much as when he’s stuffing your mouth as post coitus. What does he fantasize about? Are there things he’s enjoyed in the past? Be you a gay man, see if you can recreate on your partner what you like yourself. Also, throw in a few of those maneuvers you’ve fantasized over, (it’s ok, he knows you’ve fantasized about sucking dick), or done before. At the risk of repeating myself, it’s all about open, two way, communication. You need to be brave if you want to be the best you can be as a couple.
More than what you do with mouth, throat and tongue, what’s going to separate you from the run- of-the-mill dick-smoker is how you come to regard ‘the boys’, the perineum and the chocolate coloured starfish.
If and how you pay attention to your man’s testicles when you give him head can really make the difference between a good blow job and a great one. Don’t just leave his boys to fend for themselves. Lift, tickle, massage and stroke them with mouth or hand. Gently suck and lap at them as much as you do the cock. Put them in your mouth and hum. Swirl your tongue around them. Really, we all are so concerned with what to do with the erection when we’re giving head that we forget that our man’s supporting cast needs attention as well. Treat the boys to a bit of attention too. The whole area’s connected.
For those of you who are unsure where or what this is, it’s the much forgotten, springy oasis between the very bottom of your man’s testicular sack and just where the crack of his ass begins, (and we’ll foray up that alley in a second). This area is replete with sexually stimulating nerve endings. It is a tough little hammock-y bugger though. So while a lick and kiss here will certainly send your man to heaven, you might consider working the tip of a few fingers or even your knuckle into this area. Why be a five when you can be an eight or a nine with this little maneuver?
This is a tricky area to negotiate. It’s not as straight forward as what your man likes. It also has to do with what he might imagine it all means. What I’m saying is…there are a lot of hetero guys who do not want their assholes messed with. Not because they haven’t fantasized about it. Of course they have. They may even have snuck the odd finger up themselves in private or while having a wank in the shower. It’s not because on those few occasions where they’ve allowed a woman to explore them ‘back there’ that they haven’t enjoyed it. They may even have orgasmed their brains out. But lots of men, yes, even in this day and age, feel if they allow any playing back there then they might…well you know, turn/want to be gay because only gay guys do that bum stuff. As I have stated before, it’s a silly notion, but really tread carefully.
And be gentle. Although I’ve met my fair share of anal sluts, most guys haven’t had too many things up their butts. It might feel a bit weird for them. They could be clenching their sphincter for all it’s worth out of shame or fear. Slow and gentle. Don’t scare him off on the first attempt. Get him to instruct you on more, less or stop. Follow his lead. And use lots of lubricant. There are no glands to produce wetness back there.
For hygiene’s sake put a condom on all fingers, toys etc that are being inserted. It reduces the offense or embarrassment to either party from the poop situation and also makes cleaning up way faster and easier. My first ever session of scat, (poo), play I didn’t wear gloves. Afterwards I scrubbed and scrubbed my hands. I couldn’t get the brown stain off my skin or out from under my nails and THE SMELL! Three days later I could still cop a nauseating whiff. Learn from my mistakes.
Take me down to Funky Town
Let’s just revisit the hygiene issue for a second. It deserves its own section. I’m not going to lie; hetero men are notoriously funky down south. Not all of them manscape. And many feel a sweaty ball sack is the height of masculinity. You might have to give your man some nudges in the right direction to encourage him to pay a little extra attention to hygiene when it comes to trimming the backyard or at least giving his undercarriage a good scrub every ten days.
You will come across resistance. Here’s how I solved that little problem. I waited until my man came back from working at the office all day followed by playing indoor soccer. When he jumped in the shower I confiscated his undies. As he lay down to sleep I put them directly on his face. He jumped ten inches off the bed, threw them off and complained about how foul they stank. I let him know that this was exactly what he was demanding me to put up with except that I was expected to lick and suck the stench as well. Message sent and received loud and clear.
Do I actually have to write a few lines about men and skid marks? Ever lived with a man and washed his littles? Perhaps it’s because they are hairier on average around their bum holes than women. The shit sticks to the foliage. The toilet paper just can’t clean it properly. But the waft emanating from that area is enough to make a girl gag before she’s even put the cock in her mouth. If this is the case then it is above and beyond the call of duty for you to go down there. Throw that man’s ass in the shower and instruct him to SCRUB! Men don’t mean to offend. They are just unaware. Train them.
Sure, all human beings give-off a scent. Yes, some folks actually smell. And it’s a simple law of percentages that the more crotches smack you in the face in your life time the greater your percentage of sniffing and licking some good ones as well as foul. Just tell your man; the more attention he pays the more you will…with your mouth. But please, have him beg off the cologne or antiperspirant. That stuff tastes wrong.com when you come across it on balls.
Taking the come shot: The final word on the final spurt
The gobs of time, attention and even scholarly tract that has been spent on the question of whether to swallow semen or not could fill volumes. In the end, and forgive me before hand, I can’t resist, this really comes down to a matter of the head-giver’s personal taste.
Some oral-care-givers feel the job, blowjob that is, is not complete unless they get their lover to come in their mouth. Some men who are receiving a blowjob love to orgasm this way. Others find it the perfect foreplay but don’t want to finish in the mouth. They want to move on to full sex. Many skin-flute players enjoy a full facial, in effect having the man ‘blow his load’ on their face…or some other body part close by. Some ‘suckers’ have no qualms with a man coming in their mouth but prefer that the man do so into a condom. This is good for lovers who do not know one another so well just yet. All of this is negotiable. Like I said, be brave. Speak up.
For the person who allows the come shot in their mouth, there are a few different scenarios. The head-giver can simply let the spurting penis shoot what it will down their throat. Not so much even tasting the man’s sperm. This is just a big gulp like shooting tequila shots at the bar. Or one can receive the entire immaculate ejaculate, (or at least try to), in their mouth to either swallow as they see fit, or leave the scene of the crime and spit elsewhere. There are even those men who enjoy a little “snow-balling”; ejaculating in their lover’s mouth then having him or her French kiss that ejaculate back into their own mouth. I shouldn’t be judgmental but this one grosses me out a bit. Sorry. Just being honest. Anyway there are a lot of ways to facilitate a man coming in your mouth…and what to do with that come.
Well the taste of a man’s dream cream will vary from penis to penis as much as it can coming from the same man each different time he comes. I’ve experienced everything from really acidic to bland nothingness. I have to say though that I’ve never copped a gob full and thought yummy! I’m going to ask my favorite restaurant to put it on their menu.
A man’s level of fitness and health contribute greatly to his sperm taste….mainly his diet. As with any other secretion coming out our body, sperm consistency as well as taste is affected by what a man puts into his system. The overall complaint from the great ejaculate tasting/swallowing population, (a group of lobbyists soon to have a seat in various world governments), is that sperm tastes bitter or salty. Therefore a man altering his diet to make his come taste sweeter is the goal here. No guys, you’re never going to be Willy Wonka spurting a chocolate river out your Johnson, but you can do something to make the spunk sweeter.
First and foremost, stop consuming the pollutants…alcohol, caffeine, drugs and nicotine. Drink lots of water, as it flushes body toxins and eat lots of sweet fruits as they will sweeten you-know-what, (pineapple, papaya, melons and mangos are good choices). Very much as cabbages, asparagus and broccoli affect our pee smell they will sperm, but eating all other veggies is a good choice. Cutting down on red meat is a good idea too. See a pattern here? Basically if a man eats well, as all people should, his sperm will taste the better for it.
The blow-job, like anal sex, and all other acts not specifically designed for vanilla procreation between heterosexuals, but just for fun and sexual arousal, God forbid, comes under a lot of scrutiny. Let’s bullet point it;
-Men who want it and don’t get it, (enough).
-Their partners resisting and not seeing what all the fuss is about.
-Those who do fantasize about being dick suckers but have yet to, fearing what they might encounter.
-The many men and women who have had some bad past experience putting a cock in their mouth.
-Those who have swallowed when they haven’t wanted to or wanted to and just wished things tasted slightly sweeter.
-The nasty gag reflex especially when an erect cock is rudely slammed down one’s throat.
-Getting past the odours.
-Getting past the thought of your mouth being a toilet. Yes I’ve heard this said. And the list can go on and on.
Seen as simply a lustful act by some, an intimate approach to love-making by others, a necessity by too many and an act that requires only opening ones mouth to accomplish, really there is much to learn when it comes to being a better blow-jobber. I’ll be the first one to put my hand up to hone my skills. Bring it on boys.
And guys…don’t take it for granted. Let your lover know you appreciate it. I’ve been working my tongue to the bone and wanted to check if the guy has a pulse. Show her verbally and with your body what you like. And also let her know what doesn’t float your boat. The more effort you put into perfecting her oral skills the more you benefit. It’s a no brainer.
Whenever the term ‘prostitute’ comes up, the average person thinks of a female offering sex for a fee, whether that’s street-walkers, brothel girls or elite escorts. But how many also know that prostitution services are offered by males?
Guys have been in the game as long as women. Some offer a male to male service. These guys may not consider themselves homosexuals. They are simply ‘gay-for-pay’, dating women in their social lives. Others offer their services strictly for females, (these guys don’t make much money despite what you’ve heard. They’d be lucky to get one job a month.) And then there are those who’ll service pretty much anyone who has the cash.
Males use all the same avenues to ply their trade as their working-sisters do. Private webpages, escort companies, specific street beats and brothels, (known as stables). Males may also use saunas and gay bars with varying degrees of tolerance by the owners. Even certain phone apps and websites designed for casual hook-ups are used to sell sexual services.
I could have used Wikipedia, cruised websites, interviewed male sex-workers and so on to write this article but I thought the best way of reporting the situation was a ‘hands-on’ experience J.
Googling male escort Melbourne I was presented with a plethora of escort companies and private websites for gigolos. But how to choose? The ball was in my court. I was like a kid in a candy store. Blonde, brunette, muscular, slim, facial hair, clean shaven, tattoos, outfits the list went on.
Having chosen a Mediterranean man who advertised himself as being six foot two and having eight inches of thick bliss I was surprised at how nervous I was to call him up. I have been a working girl for years but now the boot was on the other foot. Two rings and he answered with a deep, sexy voice. “Adam speaking.” Considering he has to get it up and not all of his clients are going to be, shall we say, his type I thought his fees were too cheap. But it was an experiment so we made the necessary arrangements for our rendezvous. Cash only, my name, address and mobile number.
I eagerly awaited the knock on the door. Right on time he arrived. I like punctuality. I don’t like facial hair. What walked in was not the clean shaven, hot bodied stud I thought I was getting but a shorter and rounder version with a full beard. Talk about photo shopped. I realise that female escorts are guilty of this too but this was not even a guy who I would give it away to for free. We were not off to a great start but in the spirit of real-life journalism I prevailed.
Having a get to know you glass of wine on the couch I couldn’t help but notice a slight blue tinge to the corner of his lip. A classic sign of popping Viagra in the car without a water chaser. Upon questioning him he admitted that it was common practice amongst male workers. He never knew who was going to answer the door and he had an obligation to perform. Fair enough. As a female all I have to do is lube up and open my legs.
I had only booked an hour of his time so we moved through to the bedroom. I should have left his shirt on. A hairy chest is nice but hairy back and arse cheeks are not. Oh dear!
On the phone he had assured me that he gave great head. I was still looking forward to this. The best oral I have ever received has been from very unattractive men. Lying back with my eyes closed I can think of anyone and anything I like to get off. Unfortunately this was not a repeat performance. Rough facial hair grinding at my clitoris is not how I achieve an orgasm. After correcting him twice I gave up and moved towards the final destination. Sex. His eight inches was correct. Girth was substantial too. Perhaps this liaison was salvageable. I prefer uncut penises but did not think to clarify this on the phone during the booking process. You guessed it. Foreskin. No problem I thought. Just pull it back but then it hit me. The smell. Smegma. The cottage cheese that lies under the foreskin of a guy who doesn’t clean his penis properly. It stinks in the worst, distinctive way. There was no way I was going to have that thing in my mouth.
He asked me what the hesitation was. Without realising it I was standing frozen with his penis in my hand, mouth open. The look I gave him must have been enough. His eyes followed mine and the recognition on his face said it all. “I can shower if you like.” Handing him back his shirt I just pointed to the door. He got the message. Quietly he placed the money on the side table and slinked out the door shoes in hand.
I have no doubt there are many hot, professional guys out there servicing women to within an inch of their lives. This guy was just trying it on. Would I attempt it again? No. Even to write another article? Not on your life. I’ve had better luck picking up at the pub. No photo shopping there.
This is a frustrated Violet Ivy signing off for another week.
Hugs to all,
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Why is it possible to send men to the moon but utterly infeasible to make a deodorant which lasts effectively for more than about two hours? It may be ok if you work on a construction site or even in a bank or shop to have smelly arm pits by mid afternoon but not so if you are an elite escort! 24 hour protection my arse. Those people in the adverts playing tennis for two hours and coming up smelling like roses are all fake! I have to have multiple showers in a day even if I am not 'entertaining'. And the can of deodorant in my handbag takes up much needed space for other essential items such as my velvet whip, wigs or variety of dildos. Lying bastards.
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